just this once

Upon the invitation of your sighs
I am awaiting a moment still
Where the truth of your eyes
meets the fear of mine

it is in this vulnerable state
that it comes to be

this is where you see me
as I am
And see here i see you all the more

Im hoping you
Find it all too real to be a burden
And find it even lovelier still
Despite its beveled edge
Perhaps even for
its keyless open door

I am in this mornings after glow
worried you might notice
The effect your affection
Is having on my smile

i hold on a little longer
Attempting to save face
Just in case
You want to hurt me a little

Just in case you aren’t aware
That I have already had my share
that this
isn't THAT kind of love affair


Just a little love
this time will do
just a little
hand holding afternoon
A few kisses from here
And a few more to there

please please
and thank you
Just
this once
will
do

rain in 99

Here is a poem i wrote in 1999.


Dripping past the last puddle
left astray to shrink in the sun

these are the nightmares i would have to endure
if i had been born a raindrop

ripped from the womb
only to land in a discarded wipe
of a fleshy cheek
Damned to spend my life absorbed by porous skin

I would have hope
i would be
Constantly dreaming and praying for the dark
The dark toxins to attack my pillowy cloud
and render me an acid monster
ready to fall and sizzle through any matter i chose to destroy

Always fearful,
all the power of the running citizens would be mine
known better by my new alias, Acid Raindrop
the nightmare would end
For i would have finally arrived
Mighty wet.

on you

You make me want to brush my teeth for an extra minute
Your smell
or lack there of
makes me want to put on lip gloss.
Every word that comes out of my mouth seems like its tumbling
and every time I try and make sense to you I feel like im blushing uncontrollably.
I have a crush on you

You make my stomach feel like its going to be sick at the sight of you’
Your voice makes all the blood rush to my face

Im afraid of saying words in case they come out sounding like
“Oh blah bkzho blah blah…yes yes…sure whatever just take off my top”

I think about your hands and how I want them on my hands
I worry about having food in my teeth
I can’t even think about raising my fork incase I miss my mouth


You make me smile like an idiot

I have a crush on you

This is agony

I have a crush on you

I feel like a dummy

I have a crush on you

Kiss me so we can be done with
This hanging tension
Call me too much
So I can get over your mystery

Tell me some dumb stories so I can tune them out

Unbutton my dress
So I can lift it up

i gotta get over it....

i got a crush on you

sail away

Lets go ahead and make up a past
A past where we fell in love
With a glance
Where we could have
Runaway together
Where we could have had a chance
Or at the very least shared a dance

A past
Where when you asked me to stay
And I said I had to go
You held my hand to let me know
That this was it
This was that
Precious moment
You, the dark stranger
I , always imagined it so
That I should spend the night
With the drummer of this or that band
That I should swallow my pride and be
The groupie for a night

If I had been a bit more dramatic
And a little less romantic
I would have left too soon to let
The flow of wonder from creeping into my thoughts

But I am as I am
And I do as I do
And running away with you
Is all I ever wanted to do

I loved that you asked me for a kiss
The moment walked to the door

The second before
we never saw each other again.

your lips felt like
every kiss I ever
thought I wanted
you felt like youth
and smelled like far away

You are on your way like every..everyday.
To this place or that
To this or that land

Thinking of me on planes and trains
Thinking of me now and again

I like to imagine you
Thinking
Of what will never be.
or what never was


I like to think of us thinking
of
One another
Simply Because
Because
thinking is
All we have ever had between us

Some say romantic notions
Are romantic when unfulfilled

And then there are those who say…
Come take me away

more and more

Oh the anticipation of it all
Hearing your voice over the phone
Knowing that when tomorrow comes
Each nervous word will be replaced by…

More and more

Your lips pressed against
My lips
Pressed against
My skin
Pressed against your.. everything

I can’t wait
But I do
Pretending to do it
patiently
I sit
I day dream
Wrack my brain thinking
Of some other
More pressing topic..
Some other place my thoughts
Could be

But oh its
Still the

more and more
and
Pressed againsts
And the…
Oh I can’t hardly wait

But I still do

Pretending to,

do it patiently

I mean

im here waiting patiently

it rained today

Melancholy you return to me.
oh welcome back,my little hurt
Lying around these distant days
Feeling fashionable
decadent in this quiet sad.
Like a gift to myself, these lonesome hours
I tell myself that I want it this way
Wouldn’t let go of the lump in my throat even if I could
Choosing instead to wear it in the evenings

My accessory, my truth my antique broach

Convinced that tears thicken my skin
And that smiles will only deepen these false laugh lines

This feeling i could rely on
I could expect it every time I needed it
Like I thought I wanted it.
Even went so far as to look forward to it

Because it was always there,
I could always count on its return.
Everything else was
so temporary,
so changing
at the mercy of unpredictable events.
but with this i knew
that every year I was there for it
as it was there for me.

Because winter’s suit fits me like a glove.
and Holds me like I need it to


it’s comforting
to know I can still feel this way
To know
my waters run deeper then the pools
I chose to wade in

but...
I now fear my love
my love for sad is a love that may be fleeting
Because although this pale skin is
quite becoming
And that I could
get used to this milky hue


I am certain now
That I would
shed every flake
For one morning in your warmth

in sleep

In sleep I am yours
Yours to kiss
Yours to hold
I lay there
waiting

for your slumber head to
start your nightly songs

In sleep you lose
That little veil
That keeps you

Keeps your mouth from saying all the words
My ears long to hear

it is in sleep that you let go
Spill the beans and let me know

So i hold on just long enough
to hear you let it slip..
I heard you let it slip
just beneath the covers
I caught my breath in time to hear you say…
I heard you say…
You liked me back

You like me back
In pillow talk
On these happy sheets

You like me back

oh it so sweet
oh its so pure

Lets be life long friends
Let keep on kissing till morning

Lets go ahead
and think about
one another

From time
To time

the you i dream about

Do you wonder if I wonder about you.
If I sit and drink tea and think about your smile
Or tell my girlfriends the funny
Little thing you said the other day
And then say oh well
It must have just been the way he said it.
If I fix my hair for 10 extra minutes
If I think I might be seeing you
Or actually wash it when I hate to
Because I might end up standing too close to you
the way I always try to.
because I want you to think
that I smell like strawberries everyday.
because that’s the memory I want to be to you
A memory because
Because I know we could never be

We could never own a gallery with high ceilings
Where we make love in the evenings
I could never read the paper in bed with you
While you pretended to be asleep
We could never just sit together quietly
We could never be
Because we would have
been by now
And the you I want
The you dream about
would never let me wonder for so long

mimes in lust

You are silence
I am prring like your cat
I regret telling you I hate cats
Because now you keep trying
To make me
Like yours

I wonder if
I will soon enough be wishing
That I hadn’t said
As much as I had
And wonder if I possibly took
So long telling you
So much about me
That I may not actually know
Very much about you

I may have made you up
To be the kind of guy who suggests
We get to know one another without words

Quietly
We held hands
You kissed my breasts
And I thought about whether or not I could love you
All Without ever looking into your eyes.

waiting

You, are sweet anticipation.
I, am
holding your breath and waiting for you kiss
Catching myself on every syllable that floats from your lips

To pop pop overhead
.. and be carried away by your breath.
Speak to me with your loveliness
and let me dream of your skin
Against my skin.
You are sweet anticipation
Hanging
Overhead

like a starry night I love to watch
and wish to wrap around me.